Well, Kristen and I have been on the road touring in support of her latest album for about a month now. We are happily living out of our sweet van named Lady and getting into the swing of things living on the road. So much fun! So many interesting challenges! Last night, as we spent yet another evening in a dark bar, we decided to do a little tarot reading for ourselves. We chose one card to represent what we have learned on the road in the last month, and one card for what we need to learn in the coming month. I used the Shadowscapes tarot deck to do the reading, and I was fascinated with the results! Oh, the power of tarot to offer insight into your life :).
Kristen pulled Justice for what we have learned so far. I pulled the VII of Swords for what we have to learn in the next month. I just took this photo of the cards at a sweet coffeeshop in Louisville called Sunergos. These cards speak volumes to me about what is happening in my life right now.
Justice says to me that for the past month, I have been doing things the fair and square way. I have the feeling that I’ve been trying to be polite this whole month. I am making a lot of compromises, asking for things like I’m not sure if I deserve them, and generally making sure that other people have what they need before I get what I need. I have been living out a super Libra, people-pleasing month of compromise and fairness. I’ve been spending as much time or more on managing Kristen’s tour as I have on my tarot and travel blogs combined. This seems like the fair thing for me to do since Kristen is earning all the money right now with her music, so I feel like I should support her. I’ve found that giving the tour as much time and attention as it needs, leaves me with very little time for anything else. Putting my best efforts into tour managing seems like the just thing to do up till now. I’ve also felt kind of timid about my new vandwelling lifestyle. When I wake up in a Walmart parking lot, I feel like maybe I shouldn’t let everyone see my pjs or that I’m making pour over coffee on my “front stoop”. Would I want to see that if I came to shop? Would I judge? Is it my right to just live in a van and do things differently than everyone else?
What the VII of Swords indicates I need to learn going forward is to be fierce, independent, and do things my own way. I think I need to start being more of a badass in my new life. I don’t need to be super polite all the time. Our very lifestyle is outside the norm for our society. People don’t just get rid of most of their possessions, travel like they have always dreamed of doing, and make money to support themselves by doing the work they are passionate about! But that’s just what Kristen and I are doing, and we need to own it. The old routines of having an apartment, an office to while away 40 hours at “working”, a kitchen to cook in, let alone a bathroom to shower in, are behind us. I want to act like I belong wherever I am, and I know what I am doing there. I need to learn to project confidence, to be assertive, to share with people what I am offering and really let them know that what I have to offer will benefit them and that it’s worthwhile.
So for tonight I’m working away on my own business while Kristen plays her show. Last night I brought a book and read at the merch table. Fuck it, what do I care if I’m that girl reading at the bar, or blogging in the hotel martini lounge?! Kristen knows that I’ve seen her show a million times, and I’m in the room, doing my best to get people to buy tshirts. I don’t need to be all introverted and unassuming. I can put on my fierce bird mask like the figure in the VII of Swords and make my own rules.