Disassociation and the IV of Swords — The Willow Path Tarot

The IV of Swords, like all tarot cards, has many meanings. Often you see it come up in a reading when you need to rest, or meditate, or take some peaceful time of relaxation away from the world. It signals that your brain needs a break in order to recalibrate, integrate, and stabilize.

The IV of Swords from the Rider Waite Smith tarot deck

The Swords represent the mental realm. The 4s in the tarot are about stability and completing a phase. The IV of Swords is a time to pause after the first floor of the structure has been built. You’ve been using your brain a lot, it’s time to give it a break. After a pause, your mind will be refreshed and ready to problem solve your way through the next level of construction.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about another meaning for the IV of Swords, though. It occurs to me that it could indicate a time when there is a need to rest your mind and your body. In the image from the Rider Waite Smith tarot we see a figure who, for all appearances, looks like they are dead. They are laid out in what seems to be a church, perhaps for some type of viewing before internment. The mental break depicted here on the IV of Swords could also be a break from the physical body, from pain, from creating memories of an experience. It could be a little bubble away from a harsh reality.

Recently, it was time for my yearly mammogram. I put it off for about 6 months, but eventually, I started to feel like I really wasn’t caring for myself in the way that I wanted to care for myself. Doing simple things, like going to the doctor, can be hard for me. Adulting, ya know, I just don’t wanna do it. I hate calling to make the appointment, the lead up to the appointment, and the actual thing itself is unarguable unpleasant. Getting the boob squish hurts.

Do you relate? I know a lot of people feel similarly about going to the dentist, or just getting that regular yearly check in with the primary care provider. For me, it’s the mammogram. Since my Mom got breast cancer when she was 36 years old, doctors advised me to first start getting mammograms at 26. I can’t say that I’ve gone regularly every year like directed, but I’ve managed at least every other year.

Now I’m 42 and it’s a normal time to get mammogram. For some reason, this now makes the squish feel like an endless task that stretches interminably before me for the rest of my life. It’s like getting the oiled changed in your car, doing taxes, scrubbing the toilet, or any other number of unpleasant things that never let up. I’ve started to ask myself, “do we need to be fully present and alive to all of these experiences?”

I’ve come to the conclusion that for me, there are times when I really don’t need to be present. I can take a break from being in my mind and in my body and just float away from the here and now. This is my newly concocted personal opinion- sometimes I think it’s fine to go off into a fantasy land, not pay attention to what’s happening in the moment, and whisk yourself away mentally from present disagreeable circumstances. I’m just not interested in the enlightenment I may achieve from constantly being present.

Getting a mammogram is one of those times that I don’t see any benefit to being in my body. What, so I can experience the pain of it? So I can imprint that memory upon my consciousness to be remembered in perfect detail forever and ever? No thanks! That’s not going to help me get back in there next year to do it all over again. But if I go somewhere else, make no associations, go a little unconscious, that could be a real benefit to my health overall. I’ll forget so that I can do it again more easily. So, I decide to channel the IV of Swords energy in these times.

This could also be called just plain avoidance. I’m going to shut my eyes and ears to the circumstances that I am in and go numb. I’m not a doctor here, I’m not going to pretend I know a disasssociative state when I see one, but that’s my experience of it. It is noteworthy that there is a difference between a disassociative state and a dissociation state. The first is intentional, it’s a choice to make no associations, to separate. The second is less conscious and can’t be so easily chosen. In a dissociative state, the separation happens without your decision-making behind it so that’s not quite what I’m talking about here because it’s outside of our control.

The IV of Cups, IV of Pentacles, and IV of Wands from the Rider Waite Smith deck.

You know, most of the other 4 cards in the tarot minor arcana have a bit of avoidance baked into them as well. The IV of Cups has a definite vibe of not taking interest in the world, cutting yourself off emotionally from an opportunity or experience. Instead, the IV of Cups allows for a time when it’s best that you go within, look to your heart, perhaps make up a little story to distract yourself from a reality that you do not want to confront at the moment. That reality isn’t anything you want a part of, so why even give it the time of day? I can picture this as reading a romance novel or watching a rom com instead of going through the nonstop pain of a break up.

Then the IV of Pentacles has a one-track-mind energy to it. You’re focused on your material world, making that as solid and stable as possible is the only goal. There is a sense that you are ignoring other variables in order to hold something steady. In all three of these cards, I get the sense that there is a holding onto something, a digging in, a going within. It is an attempt to prevent change or to stabilize a situation in a world that is fundamentally made up of constant change and uncertainty. The IV of Wands could totally fit into that paradigm, as it often marks a celebration, particularly a marriage, which is an attempt to stabilize a relationship. Nice try, but even locking someone down with a contract is not going to make them stay the same or prevent other change in the relationship over time.

Can you think of any other scenarios in which this type of disassociation, or avoiding the reality of change, might actually be beneficial? I already talked about the dentist, but perhaps any necessary medical appointment that is unpleasant but good for your health. What are some other times when you’re doing something good for yourself but it hurts so you’re there but you’re not there? Oh, how about donating blood? That’s one I never do that I always feel like I should. Maybe if I got better at disassociating I would be able to donate blood. Life goals?

I think there’s an argument that could be made that disassociating in more a reversed IV of Swords interpretation rather than an upright one. And I may agree with you there. The upright interpretation could be more of a meditation break in which you are present, conscious, deeply aware, and fully embodied but not engaging in physical activity. Then the reversed IV of Swords could be that you are engaged in some activity, albeit an unpleasant one that you are disassociating with on a mental and physical level.

Yes, I like that. Getting any 4 card in the minor arcana as a reversal could be an indication that you are avoiding change or resisting the reality that life is uncertain and inconstant. It represents a mindset that wants to cut out when things get tough in order to protect yourself. I’m just saying that maybe that is necessary sometimes. Maybe it isn’t the worst thing in the world to take a little break from reality when it is too harsh. It’s a coping mechanism, but it gets the job done. I want to give up on being perfect and allow good enough to be good enough.